Cant help it but...

I cant help to think that my father is useless and this actually lead me to have the thoughts of not wanting to get married.

I am broke and tomorrow is my check up day. I know that my pay will come in tomorrow and thus I dont intend to use my mum's money. Just few mins ago, she come into my room and ask me to take her card and pay. The conversation between me and Joey today popped out in my brain. She said that she envy friends with good parents. Yeah, I do too. I had got a caring mum and a useless dad.

I cant help but to think that my mum is suffering all her life. Her only current enjoyment is to sleep till late afternoon, wake up and watch SCV channels. I am glad that I subscribe that to her because I think she will get so bored at home.

I cant help but to think that for my 24 years of life, all my education fees are paid by my mum, which makes me realise how useless my dad is.

I cant help but to think that my mum is always the one protecting the family, not my dad.

I just realise that without a father, it doesnt make any difference in my life. Moreover, he had "trained" me before of not having a father figure beside me for 3 years.

What is family then? My mother wants me to break the ice and talk to him. She say that I am going to become a Social Worker, if I cant let go this small issue and talk to him, how am I eligible to become a Social Worker? I just take it like a pinch of salt and didnt wanna answer her question. I still feel that it is his fault and it is true that he had done it and is still currently doing it, so why should I talk to him then?

I am really glad to have a mother who will go all the way out. I cant help but to think of the coming days that I am going to lose her (like in another 20 to 40 years?) Emo? Nope. But I am just facing the reality of life.


I just cant help but to think of all these...

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