Decided
Decided to go PA. Well, when tender, colleague ask me where am I going, I told them that I need to focus on my studies because my grades are very bad now and I need time to revise and study. Nobody knows the actual reason, and of course, I hope they never know where I am going to.
Its really a pain and drag to go to work now. I forgo my bonus because the other side cant wait. The amount was quite alot. $4664 is the amount of the bonus for this performance and growth variable this year.
I am stupid to give up but then, friends has been telling me that bonus is never ending... Very true... Prolly I will enjoy more at the other side than working with people with fix mindset and certain working culture. They dont accept new ideas so... Yeah! I hope I make the right choice.
Recently my body hasnt been in good shape. Not in terms of physically THAT SHAPE, but my body's immunity is getting from bad to worst. Though I am big, weighing 73kg, height of 176cm, and people always have this concept that I am strong and fit, but in fact, the truth is, I am not. I was admitted to hospital when I was age 5. Stayed there for 2 weeks under observation and doctor says I got low red blood cells count and thus concluded to my parents that I might have Leukemia. It is a terribly horrible place for me to stay. The nurses will come to me daily, 2 times a day, to draw my blood for sample. The drawing of blood is really till today, still a nightmare to me. I remembered clearly how I struggle to break free from about 4 nurses who tried to hold and press me down so that I dont fidget or move when they are drawing the blood. I remember I cried so badly everytime they draw. I was so skinny like a malnutrietion kid and was extremely underweight. Yes, you have read it correctly, I was extremely underweight until Secondary 2. Thats when puberty hits me and POOF!, I grow to what I am now, and is still growing non stop.
Few days ago, in my life, I think it has first ever time hit the pit. I was emo-ing non stop, thinking alot of negative stuff. Well, some family matters happened and it brought me down to the max. I realise when I need a friend to listen to me, I dont have.. To my best friend, whatever that is happening now on me, prolly to them, its like "listen and thats it" that kind of attitude. I also realise everyone is thinking about themselves and they replied with just a few sentence of HUH?, ORH, HAI~. Then I suddenly realise, maybe each of us are living in our own world. My definition of friends has changed. Friends used to be struggle together with you, understand you every bit and will seriously be there for u when u need one. Now, my new definition is Friends are to hang ard, talk cock, play and fool ard, at times of course serious talk, but after the talk, it will ust simply end in a "ok lor, say liao then say liao, no need to follow up or remember", that kind of ending.
I am tired. I am really very tired. I am tired of working full time, knowing that I am not doing anything I like but I have to do. I am tired that in 24 hours, 8 hours are for slping, 9 hours are for working, 3 hours are for travelling to and fro for work, the rest of the 4 hours are like mixing ard at home, watching little bit of tv, talking to parents and spending it with friends, unless your friend is not married or attached, then sometimes, this 1 to 2 hour of time you can truly enjoy in peace. I am left with how many time in a day for myself to think through what I have done was meaningful?
I am tired that the surrounding are slowly consuming my time. Forcing me to do things that I dont want but have to.
我真的好累。I really need a rest soon after 3 years of working non stop.
Its really a pain and drag to go to work now. I forgo my bonus because the other side cant wait. The amount was quite alot. $4664 is the amount of the bonus for this performance and growth variable this year.
I am stupid to give up but then, friends has been telling me that bonus is never ending... Very true... Prolly I will enjoy more at the other side than working with people with fix mindset and certain working culture. They dont accept new ideas so... Yeah! I hope I make the right choice.
Recently my body hasnt been in good shape. Not in terms of physically THAT SHAPE, but my body's immunity is getting from bad to worst. Though I am big, weighing 73kg, height of 176cm, and people always have this concept that I am strong and fit, but in fact, the truth is, I am not. I was admitted to hospital when I was age 5. Stayed there for 2 weeks under observation and doctor says I got low red blood cells count and thus concluded to my parents that I might have Leukemia. It is a terribly horrible place for me to stay. The nurses will come to me daily, 2 times a day, to draw my blood for sample. The drawing of blood is really till today, still a nightmare to me. I remembered clearly how I struggle to break free from about 4 nurses who tried to hold and press me down so that I dont fidget or move when they are drawing the blood. I remember I cried so badly everytime they draw. I was so skinny like a malnutrietion kid and was extremely underweight. Yes, you have read it correctly, I was extremely underweight until Secondary 2. Thats when puberty hits me and POOF!, I grow to what I am now, and is still growing non stop.
Few days ago, in my life, I think it has first ever time hit the pit. I was emo-ing non stop, thinking alot of negative stuff. Well, some family matters happened and it brought me down to the max. I realise when I need a friend to listen to me, I dont have.. To my best friend, whatever that is happening now on me, prolly to them, its like "listen and thats it" that kind of attitude. I also realise everyone is thinking about themselves and they replied with just a few sentence of HUH?, ORH, HAI~. Then I suddenly realise, maybe each of us are living in our own world. My definition of friends has changed. Friends used to be struggle together with you, understand you every bit and will seriously be there for u when u need one. Now, my new definition is Friends are to hang ard, talk cock, play and fool ard, at times of course serious talk, but after the talk, it will ust simply end in a "ok lor, say liao then say liao, no need to follow up or remember", that kind of ending.
I am tired. I am really very tired. I am tired of working full time, knowing that I am not doing anything I like but I have to do. I am tired that in 24 hours, 8 hours are for slping, 9 hours are for working, 3 hours are for travelling to and fro for work, the rest of the 4 hours are like mixing ard at home, watching little bit of tv, talking to parents and spending it with friends, unless your friend is not married or attached, then sometimes, this 1 to 2 hour of time you can truly enjoy in peace. I am left with how many time in a day for myself to think through what I have done was meaningful?
I am tired that the surrounding are slowly consuming my time. Forcing me to do things that I dont want but have to.
我真的好累。I really need a rest soon after 3 years of working non stop.
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